Everyone has a good lawyer joke. It's amazing the amount of lawyer jokes there are calling us not only evil and blood sucking but literally thieves sometimes. It's funny how many times I hear "I was going to be lawyer" or "I thought about being a lawyer" and although these bother me from time to time because I feel that these people either feel that they are better than me because they chose something else or just as smart as I am and could do just as much as I could do (not realizing that you have to have thick skin, a heart for the law, and a heck of a lot of brains -- and in my case a killer fashion sense) but that they don't respect it.
My favorite quote spoken by a non client during a deposition.
Madame Hearsay: Well Mr. (let's call him Sir Douchery) Well, Sir Douchery, Are you studying for the bar? You seem to really think you're a lawyer.
Sir Douchery: I would NEVER want to be one of you!
(This story will come later as it is TOO much for one post but it involves a guy who not only objected for himself during a depo but also plead the 5th ... in a domestic case!!)
He's right though. He wouldn't.
Lawyers get a bad rep for taking people's money and ruining their lives. It's not the case. Most of the time we're trying our best to keep YOU from ruining YOUR life. We get you at your worst. The absolute worst (at least divorce lawyers do). We deal with you when you cry, scream, and hate the person that you either loves for years or loved enough to bring a child into this world. We work day and night to win your case. We jump when you say jump and we often ask how high. Does this come with a price?
Eff yeah it does! I have over 200k in student loans. I'm paying off the minimum amount and living with my parents. You make 180 a year (sometimes less.. sometimes more) and you call me 15 times a day as well as email 30 times a day. You ask me to do insignificant things and I do them to make you feel better. Then you wonder why your retainer has dropped so low.
After we bust our butts for your, sometimes literally. (Madame Hearsay did a tumble during some negotiations last week... and when I say tumble I mean.. stumble... tumble.. door busts open.. bailiff comes running. Priceless.) You then complain about the amount of money spent on your case, babysitting you at your worst. Then you either refuse to pay, or you begrudgingly pay.
It's rare you get a thank you in this job. Client's want minimum expenses with a large output. They want control over the case with veto power but want you to do your best and do it efficiently. They want to stay in the know but not be charged for it. They want you to be free... to use your expertise that you spent years working on... worth a house payment... for them without them having to pay a dime. They want you overprepared and underpaid.
They also google constantly. I think the saying should go "Google is mightier than the sword."
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